Thoughts

Fishica » STEPS » Thoughts » Fishica – My Inspiration

Fishica – My Inspiration

I’ve started my first ‘Thoughts’ post several times…the problem not being what to write but what to include first. Sometimes the dialogue in my head just will not quieten down; which makes for extremely restless nights!

So I am going to start at the beginning of my journey with Fishica – my inspiration…and I’ll provide you with a forewarning – it is likely to be long… so you may need to organise a snack and your beverage of choice first!

My inspiration has come from several places….nature, family, friends… and the search to find work that is enjoyable while still feeling fulfilled with the knowledge that I am doing something worthwhile…all these things have played a vital role in inspiring me to create Fishica…but the overriding factor that has inspired me is undoubtedly my beautiful daughters, Tienne & Saskia. Tienne at 3 and a half years of age…full of all that is good in life….energy, uninhibited love, wonder at the world in general, a fierce ever evolving independence…pure joy…and my baby Saskia, who I had the great privilege to carry within me for 40 weeks before she unexpectedly & tragically passed away…my spiritual inspiration who constantly reminds me of how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away, who speaks to me through nature and has shown me at such great cost another side to being human …

Fishica is a big part of my way of ensuring I honour both my daughters…in creating a business that for me is ethical and in which I truly believe…that reflects myself and the choices I make for myself and my precious family. It is in many ways an extremely personal business and yes I am putting my heart and thoughts ‘out there’ to the world at large, which is what brings me to the remainder of this my first ‘Thoughts’ post…

I sent the following out to my closest friends and mother (who fortunately for me is also one of my closest friends) on Mother’s Day earlier this year…and have re printed it as it strikes me as being reasonably close to explaining my true inspiration…Mother’s Day is every day for me…


Being a Mother – A Journey

At the beginning there was excitement mixed with some trepidation – a positive result – a new life….a brand new beginning!

Following the discovery I feel anticipation and a little impatience…it doesn’t quite feel real…although the physical signs are beginning to manifest themselves and my body, my life… is changing…it will never be the same again…

Months march forward, the first flutters of movement….an awakening in both child and mother…like a gentle caress…I am witnessing, taking part in a miracle….the miracle that is evolving life…simply amazing!

Flutters that quickly change in intensity, gaining strength…so wonderful to feel and be part of….the very best tonic to soothe the growing discomfort felt as my body continues to stretch to accommodate another…

I am a mother already…eating, sleeping, taking care of myself to ensure both baby and I are strong and healthy…preparing for the next part of our journey together. I talk and sing to her, we listen to music together and I ’hug’ her through the skin of my stomach….I know when she is asleep and feel when she is awake…I am starting to tune into her…this tiny being that I will soon meet face to face.

I read…and read (as is my way!)…I have the physical things in place…the cot, the pram, the car seat etc….I have her clothes, her blankets, a few toys…all neatly arranged ready for her arrival….I am organised! Or so I think…but nothing can possibly prepare you for being a parent…for being a mother in every sense of the word.

Labour in itself is a journey and I could write pages about that alone…but it is such a personal part of a mother’s journey and is quite difficult to put into a few words…..but the end result is generally the same….total and complete awe of the tiny being that you have helped create…that you can now touch and hold and feel their warmth against your own body….and the love builds and builds until you feel you will literally burst……! I imagine being an adoptive mother the feeling is very similar when they first hold their child, after anxiously waiting for so long for their arrival…they may not have carried their child/children but they have still chosen to be a mother…

And now there are tears…both mother and child’s….the sleepless nights…sometimes due to practical things like feeding and changing but sometimes due to just watching my child sleep…soaking up her peacefulness and content…seeing and breathing in new life, the innocence, the purity, the natural beauty….and the responsibility changes anew….how to help my little girl be the best person she can possibly be? How to nurture and keep safe that innocence and purity? And the learning begins….a mother learning how to read the needs of her child, a child making themselves heard! A baby teaching her mother virtues that she has never really needed in the same way before…patience, extreme gentleness, strength, stamina…but most of all, all encompassing, completely consuming love of the selfless variety….a love that you can only feel for a child….your child…

And that love and learning continues through each stage, each age…If you watch a child, listen to a child… truly let yourself know a child as best you are able…they will teach you each and every bit as much as you will teach them…they are natural teachers….there is no pretence….only honesty, raw emotion…a child’s world through a child’s eyes…

How quickly we forget how it was and is to be a child…but we can be taught again…

I have to remind myself often that one of the best teachers in my life right now is the little person that is by my side most often….who knows me almost as well as I know myself…who knows my vulnerabilities and weaknesses possibly far better than anyone else on this earth!

Being a mother to me is not as simple as being the primary caregiver of my child…being a mother is the largest part of who I am….I am other things also – I am a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a business woman, I form part of a community…I wish and need to be all these things but above all I choose and want to be a mother.

As a mother I worry, I feel anxious, I get frustrated, while I consciously try not to, I sometimes compare…Sometimes I feel anger and sorrow, uncertainty and shame…but overriding all this I continue to feel awe, I see beauty, I witness and partake in play and genuine joyfulness, I see wonder in my daughter’s eyes….I see and feel trust and complete unconditional love….I see and hear vulnerability and dependence…I also see evolving independence & passion…all these things are gifts given to me daily by my children, as a mother. My journey as a mother has really only just begun… once a mother, always a mother….to eternity…so my journey thankfully will continue…

Those precious moments when my child slips her small, warm hand into mine, or looks at me with love and places both her hands on either side of my face while giving me my morning cuddle…..the way she nestles into me while I read her stories before bedtime….the way she sleeps with her arms wrapped lovingly around her koala bear…..those words “I love you Mum”, often said completely spontaneously….the giggle that starts quietly and quickly grows and carries with it’s infectiousness…her jokes which often only she and I get….her shyness and uncertainty when first put in an unfamiliar situation…. her unique way of looking at the world in general and the way she interacts with others…her love of animals and all things pink….her want and need to help me with everything and anything….her love of nature and all things beautiful….the way she dances and makes up her own songs….these memories are safely tucked in my head and heart…and will be added to immeasurably as we continue through our lives….our lives entwined by our mother daughter relationship, mother child bond. I know our relationship will encounter plenty of challenges but these challenges I am prepared to meet head on, to communicate and work through, hopefully as a team. I wish the very best for my girl, (my girls)…but more than anything I wish her happiness and content… and should Tienne choose one day, I hope she will have the opportunity to be a mother herself…something I believe as a woman is the most powerful and magical experience a woman can have in life.

I feel so very privileged to have carried and born two beautiful daughters, to have the opportunity that tragically some women are unable for various reasons to have. I know some women choose not to have children and I understand and respect that….what is right for one is not necessarily right for another. But for me, being a mother is the very best thing that could have happened to me…the very best thing I have done in my life… Like with everything, being a mother has it’s ups and downs but I wouldn’t change it for the world…there is nothing else quite like being a mother – and experiencing a mother’s journey…