The following are unedited pieces written both before the conception of our third daughter and through out our pregnancy together…leading up to 9 days prior to birth…

I won’t have access to post my thoughts again until after the birth but very much look forward to ‘introducing’ Little Limeheart in the not so distant future…who will have an entirely different name by then!!

Monday September 20, 2010

To our dear third child,

How we long for you and look forward to meeting you! We are ready for you to come along now…and so hope you are ready to be part of our family…to grow within me, healthy and strong, to emerge into the world and be with us in every way…to make our family whole. To help us like your big sister Tienne does, by just being you! You will remind us again of how precious life is…give us hope…fill our hearts with love of the purest kind and help us enjoy our love of both Saskia and Tienne as well as our love of you.

I am preparing my body and mind for you as I write, it is spring and new life is emerging everywhere – we are ready for you our precious child and so hope you are ready for us!

Much love,

Raelene Joy Pethica
Your future mum xxxxx

…and if by chance I am writing to two, not one…we will feel doubly blessed in having both of you!

November 6th, 2010 – A Poem for our Third Child…

You are skipping through my head with your whisper quiet steps
You are nestled in my heart, bringing hope with no regrets
You are reflected in my eyes and in the memories of your sisters
You provide meaning for survival…

May 13th, 2011

Dear Tienne,

I’ve woken up thinking of you – which in itself is not so unusual… although I feel that I need to try and record some of my feelings, feelings I experience daily…

I am so very proud of you my beautiful eldest daughter.

I had the privilege of watching you at swimming lessons yesterday afternoon. It was a late lesson, following a busy day at school and playing with your friend Annabel. I needed to coax you to go – I’m becoming quite good at coming up with imaginative, creative stories to ‘warm you up’ and get you in the right mood to do things (sneaky mama!)…but once you were at the pool you were fine. I’d forgotten your goggles and so we purchased a ‘spare pair’ – you momentarily despaired that they were green and not pink but were easily swayed to decide that green was quite cool after all and then you never looked back…

A new swimming teacher, a small class – just three children, Tiki, Kaiser & yourself…You concentrated, you listened and you tried so hard…you were determined…you had fun…you were great…and I smiled both inwardly and outwardly and even laughed out loud. You really are a precious girl.

Sometimes it still catches me by surprise just how much I love you. The way you think about things and question me…how thoughtful you can be…how you instinctively seem to know how I am feeling, sometimes seemingly before I know myself. Your cheeky grin and gentle humour, your thirst for knowledge and love of learning…love of music, dance, art and imaginative play…love for friends and family & fun…love of life…

You speak often of ‘my brother’ or ‘my sister’ – they have replaced Condi and her brother Jack, your imaginary friends who seemed to exist no longer once Saskia died. I sometimes wonder if there is a link or it was purely coincidence. You still ask on occasion if there is a baby in my tummy – if you will have another baby brother or sister – one that won’t die and that you can play with and look after. You still on occasion speak of Saskia and wonder out loud if she is lonely. It breaks my heart every time but at the same time my love for you just grows and grows and I feel grateful yet again to have you in my life.

Your dad and I have had our ups and downs of late but we seem to be bumbling along together okay at present and we too would love you to have a baby brother or sister.

I am scheduled to have an operation May 20, to have a polyp/fibroid removed from my uterus. After that we will try again to conceive another child. There has even been talk of IVF – something neither of us had really considered until now, until we were told unequivocally that given our ages it was our best chance…and so another option/decision may need to be made.

Regardless of what we decide one thing is certain; my love for you. I love being your mother, every stage, every age has been amazing. I have learnt so much from you over these past 5 years (including our pregnancy together) and I look forward to continuing our mother/daughter journey through life together.

I love you Tienne Yasmin Pethica.

Thank you for being the unique and very special little girl you are. I feel eternally blessed that you are part of my life, as my life wouldn’t be nearly as bright without you.

Friday August 27, 2010

Dear Tienne,

For so many months I have written to your baby sister. I write often; whenever the mood takes me. Somehow it helps make me still feel connected to her and eases a little of the deep seated grief I feel on an ongoing basis. I have come to think of late that it will also provide a written record of this time in our lives as a family although this is not the reason I continue to write.

I have been trying to work this morning while you are at school and my thoughts keep returning again and again to you, my beautiful eldest daughter…and it is to you I now want to write…

I feel so fortunate to have you in my life, to have so many opportunities to spend time with you, enjoy your company and lovely presence, to be able to share in all those hundreds of milestones you continue to achieve…to watch you grow and flourish. You have on occasion said to me, “Mama, you are my best friend” – every time it melts and warms my heart in the very best way. You Tienne, at all of 3 and a half years are my best friend too. I don’t imagine you will always consider me your best friend but I hold great hopes that we will always be as close as we have been since the day you were born, since before you were born…when I would sing to you or play music and you would tap your feet from within me almost in time! It is you who knows me better than anyone else on this earth, sometimes even better than I feel I know myself…you have seen me at my very best and on occasion my very worst…you have seen me unbelievably happy and at peace with the world and almost floating away from myself immersed in immeasurable grief. Always, you are there, nearby…with your own unique way of looking at everything, those never ending questions (which are wonderful by the way), your thoughtfulness and ready sunny smile…the warmth and enthusiasm that you radiate and that sometimes seen stubborn streak and wonderful conviction you already have in yourself. There are so many beautiful sides to your personality – your gentleness and your great strength, your agility and on occasion awkwardness, your tenacity and peacefulness…two sides of a coin that somehow come together in harmony and make you YOU.

I know I write to you at Christmas time and/or around your birthday each January. I see and spend time with you, talk, laugh and cry with you daily so I haven’t felt the need to write and record more for me…for you…but I need you to know how important you are to me, to your Dad, to our family. I love that now that you draw, you draw families, sometimes just Dad, you, Lottie and I, on occasion Saskia too (always sleeping) but that you always include a rainbow. A rainbow has become part of our family and somehow it seems so fitting. I always think of Saskia when I see a rainbow as you know but I also always think of you and your beautiful artwork and your lovely outlook on life…and death…

Your Dad and I are currently trying to have a third precious child; a brother or sister for you, another daughter or a son for us. We will feel blessed if we are successful but even if we aren’t we will always feel so incredibly blessed to have you in our lives. A new baby will never replace Saskia and our feelings for her, never replace you and our feelings for you…we have plenty of love to go around! I didn’t think it was possible as I loved you so very much when you were first born and we had our first contact but my love for you continues to grow daily, just as despite Saskia’s death my love for her continues to grow daily also. Another child would just add to this love but time only can tell if this will eventuate.

Wednesday March 16, 2011

Dear Saskia,

Little escapes the attention of your big sister.

We were having a shower the other night and she said she would like to draw a picture just for you on the shower screen. She drew you holding her hand and me near by…we were all in our house (she asked me to help draw the roof)…no rainbow this time. I still write your name every day in the steam that collects on the shower screen, I can’t imagine a time when I will not. This fact Tienne has noticed, she is so in tune with me. She reiterated how her picture was a special one for you and I told her I loved her, that she was a wonderful big sister, a wonderful daughter and that her picture was indeed very special.

A couple of days ago I saw her watching a little boy at her school holding his two
month old baby sister. She just watched quietly and didn’t say anything to me then or later but I could almost hear her brain ticking…her favourite games at present all involve imaginary brothers and sisters and my heart continues to shatter piece at a time.

I knew how lucky we were to have Tienne before you were conceived. I wondered how we could possibly be so very lucky to have two beautiful children to love, nurture & learn from. I rejoiced knowing we were having two girls although of course I would have been just as happy had you been a boy. And then our luck changed, I didn’t listen hard enough and you died. I still feel so very lucky to have Tienne, she is the most important person in my life but I had (have) enough love for two of you, I so dearly wanted to have both of you in my life, in the reach out and touch way of life…

I find myself torn between running away from everything as I know it, it just feels too painful at times and rushing headlong into the pain, embracing it, harnessing it and directing it into more positive avenues…It just gets too much at times and I have finally made an appointment to speak with a professional councillor, to see if it helps me move forward more readily, not break down quite so often.

We have still been unable to conceive again. My body is a mess to be honest and the stress of the past 15 months is showing…I have aged, my body is weary, my mind even wearier. I continue to sleep very little and have got into bad habits, not eating as well as I once did, not eating often enough and not taking time out for me – scared as I am of being with my own thoughts – longer than the already long nights spent with them…

My work keeps me busy and I still have the frustrating inability to say ‘no’ and I take on other commitments that I could well do without…at least for the short term…I know I need to allow myself to heal a little…think of time out as a balm…embrace it, not fear it…for the good of myself and all those who love me.

So many nights of late I have laid sobbing, the end result sheer exhaustion & despair…nothing can bring you back to me, nothing can change what happened…but still I sob again, great wracking sobs that leave my body heaving and shaking and myself looking down upon myself like I am some alien creature that I don’t really know. How did I get here? When? Why? Oh Why?

Your dad is off to Queensland today for nearly a week with a couple of friends. A surfing/bucks holiday away. It will do him good. Outwardly he doesn’t grieve as much as I do but I know he feels your absence keenly and I’ve seen his eyes when he finds me gently stroking your photograph and hear his whispered words when he sometimes wakes to hear me crying.

I have written to you daily in my mind but not so often physically of late…in part due to the sheer business of my life, in part trying to see if it helps…it doesn’t…I need to keep communicating with you the best ways I know how. I compose poems for you on my way to work, I yearn for you when I see the numerous babies around the age you would be now…I am starting to envy each pregnant woman I see (something I have never felt previously)…

There is so much sadness in the world at present; Japan has experienced the most devastating Tsunami and thousands upon thousands of people are dead, injured and homeless. It is dreadful to witness as the footage is plentiful. Other areas in the world are immersed in war or dealing with other natural disasters…a huge quake in Christchurch, NZ among others. And while these make me so very grateful for all that I have, my heart sad and tears roll… it is still the memories of you that squeeze my heart, make my arms ache and long again for the millionth time for something that will never be. My greatest wish is for a peaceful world…a peaceful world with you in it.

May 13th, 2011

Dear Saskia,

I see the spaces where you should be – always. They are physical and it pains me to see them and yet I don’t wish for them to go away. I miss you more than ever.

I sometimes find myself just staring at a space – it could be at home, at Tienne’s school, at a shop, sitting in a park, in the car, in the bath…spaces you should occupy.

A lovely couple came into the shop yesterday. The mother had been in before – she’s regularly purchased nappies from me for her little boy. I had not met her young son before; during previous visits he was always in the car with his dad. I met him yesterday though, a bright, solemn boy exactly one month younger than you would have been. It hit me hard looking at him, imagining you there too. This is just another moment in my journey surviving your death…just another moment…

Shane & Alicia had their legal marriage ceremony last Sunday at your Nanny & Poppy’s house. It was a beautiful day, clear skies, a gentle breeze, with warmth that settled on your skin in a pleasant way. Tienne, a little lost at the start of the day; soon settled into the familiar, happy rhythms of play with her cousins. I love seeing her with them but it also makes me acutely aware of how much she misses having another child nearby always…a brother or sister she can see and feel…that lives with her, with us; and shares our day to day life.

Sunday May 8 was also Mother’s Day and the date my mother died in 1974. Somehow I felt her presence on the day and it seemed fitting that such a happy occasion should be celebrated on the same date…reminding us how closely linked life, new beginnings and death all are. Remembering those not with us are loved no less in their physical absence. It was fitting that a beautiful union between two loved ones was witnessed by mothers from several now related families; with the spirits of other loving mothers nearby, dancing among the beautiful gardens created by your Nanny & Poppy. The grandmothers of both families witnessed the signing of the register with proud mothers (their daughters) looking on. What better Mother’s Day present could there be?

The day provided me with hope as well as melancholy, happiness as well as longing…tears for all emotions. I looked at my brother and Alicia and felt overwhelming pride and joy – they are a wonderful team and I have no doubt will have a happy marriage as they continue on their life’s journeys together. I looked at my mum and dad and felt great love and thankfulness…I thought of my birth mother and wished fervently that somehow she was there too, looking on, perhaps smiling…I looked at the children and felt peace…I looked at your Dad and just hoped…

Monday May 9 Tienne and I booked our flights to Paris – yes, we are going despite me having all but giving up on the idea. It feels like such a gift on so many levels…

Tuesday August 2, 2011

Yesterday we found out I was pregnant – the result showing clear and strong in the tester window. I have never got off the toilet, pulled clothes up and around and raced down our hallway so quickly…The look on my face must have said it all and I brandished the tester and grinned at Frank, hugged him and then didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so overwhelming were my emotions…

We took a photograph of the tester with its wonderful plus sign…a positive result…that small sign filling us with so much hope…we hugged and then neither of us knew what to do next!

Five days late, I had allowed myself only the smallest amount of hope. I had been told that the hormone injection etc might cause a delay in my cycle.

It amazes me how often you seem to need to take drastic action before life seemingly gives you a break. Two weeks ago today we ventured to Perth – Frank, Tienne, Lottie & I with Frank and I spending all day undergoing all sorts of tests, signing up for IVF treatment, due to begin next month. Today I could have been driving to Bunbury on one of numerous drives to have blood collected, injections made…in a matter or weeks time another Perth trip for counselling sessions, more doctor’s examinations and yet other trips to harvest and implant eggs & semen. I finally went through the remainder of Saskia’s items last week and it was just as hard as every other step has been since her death. I was left with a pitifully small bag of mementos, including a precious rug my birth mother made for me when I was born. Despite so desperately wanting a third child I knew it was time, that I could recollect items if/as necessary. Other women and children will now benefit from the things I collected for Saskia’s use and while it is a bit ironic it is absolutely fine…they are just material, all that matters now is that the tiny being that is starting to evolve and grow within me gets all the nourishment, care and love I can provide.

I went to work in a daze, unable to settle to any task for any length of time. Fortunately I had several customers to keep me busy. I was bursting to tell someone our news, to scream to the world in fact…and I found myself pacing…at this early stage I’m not sure that’s a good sign as there is a long way ahead! I held our secret tight though as I promised Frank, the knowledge of growth, love & family held safely within.

The happiness inside me bubbled and churned…how wonderful to feel like that after so long. I guess yesterday subconsciously I knew there was plenty of time for other emotions later, yesterday was all about the discovery, the wonder and the feelings of being blessed. The feeling of opportunity, of faith, of life…

Last week for some reason a book caught my eye at the collectable shop up the road from Fishica. Not a book I would usually buy but it literally jumped out at me…the shop keeper gave it to me when I explained this…she wouldn’t take any money. It was one of those insight books by Susan Hayward and yesterday I held fast to the idea of our third child and prayed that this time we would have a healthy, happy ending…I opened to a page and this is what it said:

When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds;
Your mind transcends limitations; your consciousness expands in every direction,
And you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world;
Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be…PATANJALI

This will not be a normal pregnancy, although saying that sounds silly as no pregnancy can be normal – each special and unique…but for me this will be different.

Mixed in with the joy I am already starting to feel fearful and I know I will need to undertake measures to stay calm and find peace. I need to find time for this new baby that has begun growing inside me, in the same way as I find and love my time with Tienne. I need to find time for me, perhaps including Lottie more…long, leisurely walks among nature…time to be active, to breathe and just ‘be’.

This is the start of our journey our third much wanted child and your Dad and I truly (and sadly) know how fragile and precious that journey is. Let’s make it a wonderful, healthy and happy journey…the beginning of your life with us as your family.

August 21st, 2011

Nearly eight weeks pregnant and I can honestly say that I have not taken any moment for granted. I am grateful for each day that I find myself still pregnant. I am currently full of a particularly nasty flu which I just don’t seem to be able to shake. I have spent more time resting in bed than at any time in my life I can remember. Tienne has been so sweet coming up to check on me regularly, bringing me up cups of water, reading to me, making me things, helping me down the stairs, doing her bit to keep the house tidy and cuddling me when she thinks I need it (I swear her cuddles have more than a little bit of magic in them as they really do make me feel better for a while)…

While I feel lousy physically it is a conscious effort not to worry about any affect my illness might have on the baby’s development. It is a miracle that I am growing a third precious child. At 42 I do know how lucky I am but also the higher risks involved both throughout the pregnancy and birth. But I also realise that I need to try and stay calm, alleviate possible stress…be realistic but also allow myself to believe in this miracle.

I feel like Saskia is somehow looking out for this baby but that doesn’t stop me from worrying each time I visit the toilet that I will find blood or panicking at each and every slightly unusual abdominal pain…it is going to be a long pregnancy in more ways than one.

We have nicknamed this baby Clown Fish as he/she was shy in showing us they were there. We spent a day of extensive IVF testing not knowing we were pregnant…very allusive! A day planning and discussing our best chances of falling pregnant given we had been trying for over 15 months…through our grief, through our hope, through our despair, through life…A day that somehow brought Frank and I closer though, something infinitely valuable. I can’t help but worry that I had a hormone injection and a tablet to stop my milk…but despite my worry you continue to grow to the best of my knowledge and so I have to put my faith in you and me and continue to work through this pregnancy as a team…me nourishing and loving you as best I can…starting with getting over this flu…and you continuing to grow and do your thing inside my body. It truly is a miracle…

I had a scare week six, although I still kept my faith in you; in us…despite my tears and shock inside I still felt you were there…you were okay…After our very clear positive home pregnancy test I booked the doctors to start the process rolling…have initial blood tests, book an initial scan etc. A student doctor was visiting the practice and I was asked if I minded her seeing me also. I agreed although warned I might get emotional….I assumed the regular doctor would be there too. I was wrong. I had pre-empted the need for a urine sample and carried that in with me. The young girl was nice but on hearing my request to confirm my pregnancy and write out the appropriate paperwork to have blood tests and book a scan didn’t seem to know what to do. She started asking me all sorts of questions about my background and noted from my computer file that I had two previous pregnancies. I explained that Saskia had been an unexpected stillborn at 40 weeks, dying in the final stages of labour. She didn’t say much and took my blood pressure…I was feeling vulnerable and just wanted her to do what I had requested. My urine sample still sat under my chair. Eventually the regular doctor came in and I explained my story again. He was sympathetic and immediately took the sample to test. He came back in and I could see from his face something wasn’t quite right…I asked ‘is it not showing positive?’…awkwardly he agreed that it did not seem positive although perhaps there was a faint line…He wrote out the paperwork to check with a blood test…the results would be back the following day…

I walked out in a bit of a daze but fortunately the lady who took my blood I have seen numerous times through Saskia’s pregnancy and following her death. She took my blood and then gave me a huge hug.

Following work I took another home pregnancy test. Again the result was an extremely clear positive.

My blood test came back positive, the ‘score’ showing I was definitely pregnant, so I’m not sure what went wrong with the doctor’s test…with the student doctors questionable ‘bedside manner’ and my seemingly negative test result it had been one of the ‘bumpiest’ doctor’s visits ever! Proof though that all is not always what it seems…

I went back to the doctors to get the original paperwork I’d requested and finally had my initial bloods & scan documents written up. What a rollercoaster…but finally I felt like I was back on a level playing field.

We have an ultra sound this Thursday…in part to check whether Clown Fish is one or two and confirm our due date (although you are likely to be born caesarean two weeks prior)…and then an appointment with Dr McKenna in Perth at week 10. One day at a time…one day at a time…

So far we have only told both sets of parents. We would like to wait until after our week 12 ultrasound before telling others. It’s not been as difficult as I would have thought, keeping such a secret. Under different circumstances I would have naturally wanted to shout to the world but you have entered our lives almost quietly, shyly (or perhaps you are a trickster!) and I’m not ready to share you just yet. You are much wanted and my feelings through this pregnancy differ on several levels to when I carried Tienne & Saskia. I was fortunate enough not to know or understand the tragedy of the death of a child, my child…I was naive in so many ways…too trusting that all would be okay.

It will be too difficult for Tienne to understand and wait 38 odd weeks and I want her to be the next to know…I also want to be reassured you are okay…that you are developing as you should…I don’t want to get others hopes up…I want to stay quiet and try and envelope myself in some semblance of peace…I need to learn patience!

I try and imagine you enveloped in your growing cocoon, a soft pink glow around you… and I so hope that you are completely protected from the aches and pains I feel physically and the worry I feel mentally…and I find myself looking inwards to you to find the healing I need to ensure we both can be healthy and strong.

And Tienne each day provides the moments I need to remember how truly blessed I am already and what a gift you will be when you are able to join our family.

December 27th 2011

Dear Little Lime-heart (your nickname changed at about 20 weeks;  your big sister has named you Little Limeheart and it has stuck – our tiny greenie!),

We are 26 weeks through our pregnancy together today and what a long 26 weeks it has been… how I look forward to meeting you face to face!

My feelings are so mixed where you and our pregnancy are concerned…and you reassuringly kick and move about inside me as I type these words as if to parlay my fears, my anxiety…and retain my hope and optimism.

Hope is mainly what I feel but the fear that continually butts against my hope is real and I suspect nothing short of holding you in my arms; a healthy, breathing baby… will completely alleviate my anxiety for any length of time.

We visited our specialist in Perth on December 23 and all seems good where you are concerned…I even had the privilege of feeling your tiny head through my skin…

Christmas was wonderfully relaxing, such a contrast to last year with its largely underlying tensions and swirling emotions. Time with family and most importantly children Tienne, Lilli & Hamish…and you & Saskia, you frequently making your physical presence felt within me and Saskia always in my heart and mind.

The changes in my body this pregnancy have differed from those when carrying Tienne and Saskia. Definitely many more veins (sometimes very painful) down my right leg and so far no vertical linea nigra line on my stomach. But then you are a unique, precious child and rightly so seem to be demonstrating some differences already!

February 5th 2012

Dear Little Limeheart,

Less than 7 weeks until I hope my wish of holding you in my arms, looking at your precious face, watching the rise and fall of your chest, feeling the warmth of you against me…will be realised.

Our last scan went well. You are slightly bigger than average for your due dates, “A little fatty” the obstetrician said, which made me smile – it is so wonderful that you are healthy. Clever girl, you are already in position and the flow of blood to and from your placenta and through your umbilical cord are true and strong. It made your big sister Tienne jump when we heard your heartbeat through the monitor while watching on the screen…loud and proud…so reassuring. But you were shy, covering most of your face with a hand for the scan’s duration with only a teasing hint of the bottom of your nose and lips to be seen!

And all is on track for either and induction on March 22 or a caesarean on March 23. As natural as it would be given how healthy you are to date to allow you to remain within me until full term and deliver naturally like I did with Tienne & Saskia both the medical profession and my mind won’t allow it and you will be born nearly two weeks early; your original due date being April 3.

I admit I am anxious and the next weeks are likely to go as slowly as the rest of our pregnancy has for me. In a cloud filled with seemingly equal amounts of hope and worry. Hope is what keeps my spirits up (you wriggling around inside me!), that and Tienne…and my promise to Saskia to be the best mum I can be.

These past days I have been researching inductions and caesareans – neither appeal and given a different history and your current health I would not for a minute be contemplating either, but at the end of the day I just want to give you the very best chance of survival, of joining our family in every sense of the word and I’m slowly leaning towards a caesarean, as frightening and foreign as the prospect might be.

I have spoken to a doctor friend who recently had a caesarean. She asked if I would like to see photographs of her experience. I agreed and it was wonderful to see – graphic yes, but at least I have some knowledge now of what it might be like, what to expect…sometimes pictures really do tell a 1000 words. And sitting watching her beautiful now 6 week old daughter it made me realise that as long as you come into this world healthy I will be so very thankful, no matter how you are delivered and I will endeavour from that point on to give you everything I can as a mother and that care and love is what really matters. That said, I still want to make the best decision regarding your birth as I can and while your Dad has been keen on a caesarean from your conception (it would have been horrific watching some of Saskia’s labour & birth) I have been unsure still, worrying about ensuring we are doing the best for you.

What I do know is that while I went into labour with both Tienne and Saskia feeling fairly relaxed and comfortable with natural labour, with you I already harbour deep anxiety. Given Saskia’s death this is not surprising but it is something I am aware might cause problems both for me but more importantly for you – I do not want to cause you distress my little one.  And in reading all manner of articles & forums relating to induction and speaking with local women who have experienced them I am concerned about the extra pressure I may place on you and know that should you go into even the smallest amount of distress my anxiety levels are likely to sky rocket and I’ll send both of us into a panic. It is also mentioned that there is a quite high percentage of inductions that end up in caesarean; particularly when inductions are carried out prior to full term and while the idea of a caesarean is worrying enough for me, the idea of an emergency one (particularly if I can avoid this) is much more scary. I do realise that ‘it might never happen’ and all would go well, I understand that delivering vaginally rather than by caesarean is much more likely to mean I have a quicker, easier recovery and can just get on with attending to your needs without potentially requiring others to help…but there is that overriding niggle that reminds me that everything appeared fine with Saskia also and my heart breaks again to think of how close she came to surviving, how there was nothing wrong with her, how unexpectedly and tragically things can go wrong. The biggest part of having a caesarean (that is not really required for medical but rather mental reasons) that feels wrong, is that you will not be prepared (although I plan on speaking to you before and throughout if possible), that you will not start the labour process off yourself and go through the stages of labour naturally. I am not scared of experiencing pain, while I have been told the power of contractions during induction is many times that of natural labour as you don’t have the slower build up generally experienced with naturally occurring labour I know I would be fine if not for the anxiety of it potentially distressing you. And my body is not as strong as it was with my previous pregnancies, I am older and haven’t slept well since Saskia’s death…and of course mentally I am not as strong. When I think of labouring for hours on my feet with Tienne it is with a smile – I was strong and I felt so sure that all would be fine and it was. I can remember going almost completely within myself and just working through each contraction with Tienne – I had the very strong sense of us working as a team with each contraction bringing me closer to meeting her face to face – it was a long labour but it was generally a calm and beautiful one. Saskia’s labour was different – I had a strange sensation at times that all was not completely right but the double and triple length contractions left me without space to truly think and when I could have done with some help or outside assistance there was little or none.  This will be a different birth just by the very nature of having others (possibly three or four) nearby monitoring everything…so much more clinical but again, if you are okay I don’t mind at all…it seems the ‘everything must be as natural as possible’ mum has completely taken a step backwards and I just want you in my arms safely…

That’s not to say that I won’t be requesting to hold you as soon as possible once you are delivered, that I won’t still ask to bring your placenta home to plant under your tree and that I won’t insist on having you with me all the time (with exception if medical intervention is required)…that I won’t want to nurse you as soon as possible in recovery if not before. I know a caesarean will limit my mobility for a short time but I still want to have you with me in the same way as I would if I had you naturally.

I just need to find ways to alleviate some of my anxiety for the sake of both of us and ensure that how ever you are birthed I go in with as positive an attitude as possible, knowing that I will strive to give you the best life I can and what huge joy you will bring to our family.

How I look forward to meeting you little girl, my precious third daughter; it’s going to be the most wonderful moment when I first get to hold you in my arms.

March 2nd 2012

Dear Little Limeheart,

All going well, three weeks today we will meet you face to face. Friday 23rd March 2012 will be a very special day for our family.

I speak to you often, as does your big sister Tienne who has started cuddling you through my tummy, telling you about the world you are soon to enter. She is so sweet and thoughtful, I am sure she is going to make the very best big sister for you and you in turn will give her (give all of us) so much love and joy. I have wanted to write to you almost daily but have felt concern that in some unfathomable way, any of my negative thoughts might play out in real life if I place them on paper…something I have overcome in order to record even a few of my thoughts…

These past weeks I have felt even more fearful and prone to tears. I try so hard to stay positive but the anxiety is never far from the surface.

I was in Perth last week for my most recent appointment with our obstetrician and was scheduled for a scan first to check your growth and the blood flow etc through our placenta. As soon as I saw your little face, half covered by one of your hands; tears bubbled up and poured out much to the concern of the lovely lady doing the scan. I encouraged her to continue, reassuring her I’d be okay soon…I just felt so overwhelmed, so hopeful but so very worried too, realising for the thousandth time how much I want you in my life. I left the scanning room very red eyed but in general feeling blessed to have had the opportunity to ‘see you’ one more time before your birth and to be reassured that you were looking wonderful and still slightly ahead of due dates size wise.

Up stairs to see the obstetrician and he mirrored the scan results saying all looked really well, including the comment mentioned at a previous appointment that he expected a tall, thin woman like me to carry a long baby but not such a “little fatty” – a huge compliment as you seem so healthy. I explained that both your big sisters Tienne & Saskia had been the same, I seem to carry big and low, I eat well and you seem to be thriving – hooray, we must make a good team!

I let the obstetrician know of how increasingly fearful I have been and he sent me for further blood tests and a cardiac diagnostic test up at St Mary’s Hospital which is where we will stay for the days following your birth. We sat hooked up to the monitoring device and you proceeded to wriggle with short periods of rest for about 20 minutes while your heart rate was monitored and I pressed a button to record whenever you were moving which was reassuringly often!

Despite all these reassurances I have still given myself ‘scares’ throughout this past week. I couldn’t feel you move for some hours one early morning following a particularly restless night & some shortish but quite sharp pains in my lower left abdomen…I was all set to take myself to the local hospital (something I find extremely stressful since Saskia’s death) when I forced myself to calm down, take some deep breaths and really let myself tune into you…you kicked with gusto, “I’m fine mum, please just calm down!!”…not for the first time during this pregnancy you seemed to be looking out for me…

This pregnancy as I’ve said before has been an uncomfortable one – my right leg is riddled with plum coloured veins that seem to have a life of their own and it is difficult and painful to walk at times as a result, I suffer from indigestion & some lower back pain and have scratched my scalp raw in places through what has become a bad habit during times of stress. Topped with the usual tiredness and heaviness associated with the final months of pregnancy and a head cold I thought I’d escaped but then hit with a vengeance a few days ago I have moments when I feel quite sorry for myself…only to quickly remind myself how worth it every uncomfortable moment will be to have you safely in my arms…how fleeting any discomfit will be compared to a lifetime of watching you grow up alongside Tienne and with Saskia’s memory forever etched on my heart.

I am slowly getting my head around the idea of having a caesarean. I have read all manner of articles and books on the subject and really feel it is the right decision, given our history and need to ensure you are born safely and with as little stress as possible. I even like the idea of having to stay in hospital for 5 or so days following your birth (did I really say that!) It will force me to take it easy and just concentrate on you and the family and friends who come in to meet you. I am already so looking forward to the first time Tienne meets you – to the first time I see her following your birth…I’m going to miss being away from her for any length of time. She really is my best little friend, just as you will be too.

And so I embark on a new day, three weeks before I meet you. Stay well little one. I love you!

Thursday March 14th, 2012

Dear Little Limeheart,

Tienne and I head to Perth today in readiness for your arrival out into the big, wide world.

I’m not sure who is more excited. Tienne’s teacher recently said that she has been unusually ‘away with the fairies’ of recent days in anticipation of meeting you! I’m sure I have been the same, being much more absent minded than usual despite trying to stay focused and calm. Anxiety is never far away but I am largely keeping it at bay by responding to your frequent movements and the thought that it is now only days away until I meet you.

I am looking forward to a few quality, relaxed days with Tienne at mum and dad’s place. I suspect I will feel more relaxed just knowing I am not far from the hospital and care should you and/or I require it prior to our scheduled caesarean section on March 23rd.

I can’t help but reflect on our pregnancy to date and feel that we have already come a long way as mother and daughter…the scares…and there have been quite a few… (bad flu, minor electrocution and resulting anxiety caused by hospital visit, exposure to whooping cough on two occasions, evacuation from our home due to bush fire for 3 days, bad skin infection, and exposure to Parvo Virus)…we weathered them all and you continued to thrive – clever girl! I really do feel that somehow your sister Saskia and my mother and other much loved relatives have been looking out for us; that somehow their beautiful spirits have cast some sort of protection over us both to ensure we get through this journey together safely.

It’s been a difficult pregnancy on many levels. I fully expected to feel anxious & emotional which of course I have…but I wasn’t prepared for the physical strains…the veins, the aches and pains…but of course it is my third pregnancy and despite me often forgetting the fact, I am 42 years old and my body has seen a lot of life! All will be so very worth it to have you in my arms…warm…breathing…alive…

All going to plan, your dad is going to come up to Perth a couple of days prior to our caesarean, which at this stage looks scheduled to be done first thing in the morning, around 7.30am…which will be wonderful as I won’t have too much time to become nervous about it all (although whether I sleep or not on the night previous remains to be seen!) I’m getting butterflies just thinking about it all now…

When I am able, I will write about our experience, your birth…so that you have a record when you are older. Until then, stay safe little one and I look forward to seeing you really soon….Lots of love, your mum. xxxx

Thankfully the media in Australia seem to have finally picked up on the dangers of manufacturing and using BPA plastic; which should in turn encourage people to become more informed & consumer savvy concerning the risks associated with BPA. But what exactly is it and why is it so bad for us, our children & our environment?

I have consciously tried not to use products that may contain BPA for several years now and this is part of the reason why I stock alternative high quality stainless steel and sustainable wood products within Fishica. But I have found it difficult to sum up why BPA is so dangerous and unnecessary…

A visit to the relevant Wikipedia page from where the bulk of the following information was taken found literally pages of information collated from a large number of sources world wide. The fact that there is so much information in itself seems to acknowledge how serious the issue is. While I have only selected bits and pieces to share here I encourage you to start reading yourself and follow the associated links that may help you understand in greater depth. In doing so I have little doubt you will be as horrified as I am and will want to take steps to ensure you, your family and friends have as little contact with BPA products as possible.

Bisphenol A, commonly abbreviated as BPA, is an organic compound with two *phenol functional groups. It is used to make polycarbonate plastic and epoxy resins, along with other applications.

(*Phenol definition: Phenol, also known as carbolic acid, is an organic compound. It is a white crystalline solid. The molecule consists of a phenyl (-C₆H₅), bonded to a hydroxyl (-OH) group. It is produced on a large scale (about 7 billion kg/year) as a precursor to many materials and useful compounds. It is only mildly acidic but requires careful handling due to its propensity to cause burns).

Known to be estrogenic since the mid 1930s, concerns about the use of bisphenol A in consumer products were regularly reported in the news media in 2008 after several governments issued reports questioning its safety, prompting some retailers to remove products containing it from their shelves. A 2010 report from the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) raised further concerns regarding exposure of fetuses, infants and young children. In September 2010, Canada became the first country to declare BPA as a toxic substance. In the European Union and Canada, BPA use is banned in baby bottles.

Use

Bisphenol A is used primarily to make plastics, and products containing bisphenol A-based plastics have been in commerce use since 1957. At least 8 billion pounds of BPA are used by manufacturers yearly. It is a key monomer in production of epoxy resins and in the most common form of polycarbonate plastic.

Polycarbonate plastic, which is clear and nearly shatter-proof, is used to make a variety of common products including baby and water bottles, sports equipment, medical and dental devices, dental fillings and sealants, eyeglass lenses, CDs and DVDs, and household electronics. BPA is also used in the synthesis of polysulfones and polyether ketones, as an antioxidant in some plasticizers, and as a polymerization inhibitor in PVC. Epoxy resins containing bisphenol A are used as coatings on the inside of almost all food and beverage cans, however, due to BPA health concerns, in Japan epoxy coating was mostly replaced by PET film. Bisphenol A is also a precursor to the flame retardant tetrabromobisphenol A, and was formerly used as a fungicide. Bisphenol A is a preferred color developer in carbonless copy paper and thermal paper, with the most common public exposure coming from some thermal point of sale receipt paper. BPA-based products are also used in foundry castings and for lining water pipes.

Identification in plastics

“In general, plastics that are marked with recycle codes 1, 2, 4, 5, and 6 are very unlikely to contain BPA. Some, but not all, plastics that are marked with recycle codes 3 or 7 may be made with BPA.”

There are seven classes of plastics used in packaging applications. Type 7 is the catch-all “other” class, and some type 7 plastics, such as polycarbonate (sometimes identified with the letters “PC” near the recycling symbol) and epoxy resins, are made from bisphenol A monomer.

Types 3 and 6 (PVC) can also contain bisphenol A as an antioxidant in plasticizers. This is particularly true for “flexible PVC”, but not true for PVC pipes

Some type 7 plastics may leak bisphenol A

Flexible type 3 plastics may leak bisphenol A

Health effects

Bisphenol A is an endocrine disruptor, which can mimic the body’s own hormones and may lead to negative health effects. Early development appears to be the period of greatest sensitivity to its effects, and some studies have linked prenatal exposure to later neurological difficulties. Regulatory bodies have determined safety levels for humans, but those safety levels are currently being questioned or under review as a result of new scientific studies. A 2011 study that investigated the number of chemicals to which pregnant women in the U.S. are exposed found BPA in 96% of women.

In 2009, The Endocrine Society released a statement expressing concern over current human exposure to BPA

Fetal and Early Childhood Exposures

Children may be more susceptible to BPA exposure than adults. A recent study found higher urinary concentrations in young children than in adults under typical exposure scenarios. This increased susceptibility is most likely based on their reduced capacity to eliminate *xenobiotics and also their estimated higher daily exposure to BPA, adjusted for weight, compared to adults.

(*Xenobiotic definition: A xenobiotic is a chemical which is found in an organism but which is not normally produced or expected to be present in it. It can also cover substances which are present in much higher concentrations than are usual. Specifically, drugs such as antibiotics are xenobiotics in humans because the human body does not produce them itself, nor are they part of a normal diet.)

Infants fed with liquid formula are among the most exposed, and those fed formula from polycarbonate bottles are particularly at risk. A 2010 study of people in Austria, Switzerland, and Germany has suggested polycarbonate (PC) baby bottles as the most prominent role of exposure for infants, and canned food for adults and teenagers. In the United States, the growing concern over BPA exposure in infants in recent years has lead the manufacturers of plastic baby bottles to stop using BPA in their bottles. However, babies may still be exposed if they are fed with old or hand-me-down bottles bought before the companies stopped using BPA.

One often overlooked source of exposure occurs when a pregnant woman is exposed, thereby exposing the fetus. Animal studies have shown that BPA can be found in both the placenta and the amniotic fluid of pregnant mice.  A small US study in 2009, funded by the EWG, detected an average of 2.8 ng/mL BPA in the blood of 9 out of the 10 umbilical cords tested. After the baby is born, maternal exposure can continue to effect the infant through transfer of BPA to the infant via breast milk. Because of these exposures that can occur both during and after pregnancy, mothers wishing to limit their child’s exposure to BPA should attempt to limit their own exposures during that time period.

While the majority of exposures have been shown to come through the diet, accidental ingestion can also be considered a source of exposure. One study conducted in Japan tested plastic baby books to look for possible leaching into saliva when babies chew on them. While the results of this study have yet to be replicated, it gives reason to question whether exposure can also occur in infants through ingestion by chewing on certain books or toys.

Other studies

Studies have associated recurrent miscarriage with BPA serum concentrations, oxidative stress and inflammation in postmenopausal women with urinary concentrations, externalizing behaviors in two-year old children, especially among female children, with mother’s urinary concentrations, altered hormone levels in men and declining male sexual function with urinary concentrations. The Canadian Health Measures Survey, 2007 to 2009 published in 2010 found that teenagers carry 30 percent more l bisphenol A (BPA) in their bodies than older adults. The reason for this is not known. A 2010 study that analyzed BPA urinary concentrations has concluded that for people under 18 years of age BPA may negatively impact human immune function. A study done in 2010 reported the daily excretion levels of BPA among European adults in a large-scale and high-quality population-based sample, and it was shown that higher BPA daily excretion was associated with an increase in serum total testosterone concentration in men. A 2011 study found higher BPA levels in women with polycystic ovary syndrome compared to controls. Furthermore, researchers found a statistically significant positive association between male sex hormones and BPA in these women suggesting a potential role of BPA in ovarian dysfunction. A 2010 study found that people over age 18 with higher levels of BPA exposure had higher CMV antibody levels, which suggests their cell-mediated immune system may not be functioning properly.

Sexual difficulties

A 2009 study on Chinese workers in BPA factories found that workers were four times more likely to report erectile dysfunction, reduced sexual desire and overall dissatisfaction with their sex life than workers with no heightened BPA exposure. BPA workers were also seven times more likely to have ejaculation difficulties. They were also more likely to report reduced sexual function within one year of beginning employment at the factory, and the higher the exposure, the more likely they were to have sexual difficulties.

Environmental risk

In general, studies have shown that BPA can affect growth, reproduction and development in aquatic organisms. Among freshwater organisms, fish appear to be the most sensitive species. Evidence of endocrine-related effects in fish, aquatic invertebrates, amphibians and reptiles has been reported at environmentally relevant exposure levels lower than those required for acute toxicity. There is a widespread variation in reported values for endocrine-related effects, but many fall in the range of 1μg/L to 1 mg/L.

BPA can contaminate the environment either directly or through degradation of products containing BPA, such as ocean-borne plastic trash.

As an environmental contaminant this compound interferes with nitrogen fixation at the roots of leguminous plants. According to Environment Canada, “initial assessment shows that at low levels, bisphenol A can harm fish and organisms over time. Studies also indicate that it can currently be found in municipal wastewater.”

A 2009 review of the biological impacts of plasticizers on wildlife published by the Royal Society with a focus on annelids (both aquatic and terrestrial), molluscs, crustaceans, insects, fish and amphibians concluded that BPA have been shown to affect reproduction in all studied animal groups, to impair development in crustaceans and amphibians and to induce genetic aberrations.

A large 2010 study of two rivers in Canada found that areas contaminated with hormone-like chemicals including bisphenol A showed females made up 85 per cent of the population of a certain fish, while females made up only 55 per cent in uncontaminated areas

Reference: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisphenol_A

By Grace Culhaci, Director Pure & Green Organics

Do you often wonder if the natural and organic claims beauty products make are real? Or do you wonder what these claims actually mean? If you feel confused or misled by all the organic hype then keep reading as we help you identify if it’s bona fide organic or just a fake.

Beauty products can shout their green claims from the rooftops but unless they have an organic certifiers logo on the front of their packs don’t listen! In the street if we need help we don’t just walk up to anyone wearing a t-shirt that says ‘I’m a policeman’, instead we look for someone wearing an official police badge. The same rule applies to organic beauty products – if you want real organic look out for the certifier’s logo.

This is so important because like t-shirts beauty brands can say whatever they like. Just one stroll past the beauty counter and we are pounded with a flood of natural and organic claims -   organic, certified organic; certified natural; 100% natural; made with organic ingredients; made with organic botanicals and no harmful chemicals.

But in reality what most of us don’t’ know is that the word ‘organic’ is used loosely. It’s designed to give the ‘impression’ that a product is certified organic but usually there is very little if anything natural or organic about it.

Like the different rankings within the police force there are many standards of organic certifications. In the police force the lowest level is the constable, then the sergeant and at the top is the commissioner.

With organic certification a similar hierarchy applies. At the lowest level of organic certification is the EcoCert logo from France, which will certify a product that can have as little as 10 percent organic ingredients and allows the use of synthetic ingredients. It’s like the ‘constable’ of organic certification.

At the sergent level are the ‘made with organic ingredients’ claims, this means that at least 70 percent of ingredients are certified organic. Although the certifiers logo cannot be displayed on the front of the products, the logo can only be displayed on the back.

If you want a beauty product that has the ultimate high-ranking status of a ‘commissioner’, then look out for the Australian Certified Organic (ACO) bud logo, NASAA or Organic Food Chain (OFC) logo.  When you see the ACO bud logo, NASAA or OFC logo it means your beauty products contain 95 percent or higher organic ingredients. No artificial fragrances or petrochemicals are allowed.

Pure & Green Organics is a great example of a genuine ‘organic’ product as it carries the ACO bud logo on the front of all its beauty products so you instantly identify its organic authenticity. The logo means the product has been endorsed by an official third-party certifier.

The bud logo guarantees a minimum of 95 percent ingredients are certified organic. Pure & Green Organics is also the only beauty brand to have all its products in its range including teeth, hair and body certified organic. In the beauty industry it sits at the top of the ‘organic’ hierarchy for certification.

So next time you want to find a product that is truly certified organic remember to look out for the certifiers logo. And if you want the best, look for the ACO, NASAA or OFC logo.  It is not enough for a product to just say ‘organic’ or have the word organic in its title. Due to the fact that there are no regulations to stop companies from using the word organic, the only way to tell if it’s real is to look for a certifier’s logo.

In Australia there are three certification bodies that can certify an organic cosmetic product, these are:

Organic Certifier	‘Certified Organic’	‘Made with Organic’	Website
	Minimum 95% organic ingredients. Remaining 5% must be naturally derived and/or non-toxic. Disallows synthetics. Each bud logo has its own unique processor number (the one pictured belongs to Pure & Green Organics) and must be displayed on all product labels. You can enter this number into ACO’s website and instantly verify any claims made.	This logo is featured on back of approved products and means ‘made with certified organic ingredients”. They are required to contain 70% or more organic ingredients with the remaining ingredients natural & compliant with strict requirements.  The organic percentage will appear in the XX part of the example logo.	www.australianorganic.com.au
	Minimum 95% organic ingredients. Remaining 5% must be of agricultural origin. While manufacturer’s are issued with a processor number, NASSA does not require it to be displayed on products. To verify organic claims you can  search the product’s name on the NASAA website.	70-95% organic ingredients. If products contains less than 95% organic ingredients then the NASAA logo cannot be used.	www.nasaa.com.au
	If this logo is on the front of the product then it has 95 percent certified organic ingredients. This certifier does not require the processor number or logo to be displayed. Therefore it makes it very difficult to distinguish its certified organic status.	At least 70% of the ingredients are from organic production.	www.organicfoodchain.com.au

Any time you see these logos on the front of a product you can be assured it contains a minimum of 95 percent certified organic ingredients with the remainder 5 percent naturally sourced If your organic products have these logos on the back of the product or say ‘made with organics’ then generally only 70 percent of ingredients are certified organic.

If you can’t find a certification logo on a beauty product it’s likely it does not have a high enough percentage of organic ingredients to qualify for certification. Or it contains one or more ingredients that are toxic or harmful and cannot be classified as certified organic.

What’s also important to note is that the word ‘natural’ is used on beauty products and this does not mean organic. Usually products that claim to be chemical free still have ingredients that were grown with herbicides and pesticides. Again if you want something that is free from any chemicals go for organic and only buy products with a certifier’s logo.

So what’s so good about certified organic beauty products anyway? This in itself warrants its own article but the main thing to know is it offers an assurance that no dangerous toxic ingredients are lurking in your beauty products. Certified organic means only the best, most nourishing natural ingredients are used. No harsh detergents, synthetic preservatives or fillers are allowed. Only nature’s healing goodness is enclosed in the bottle.

Because there are so many false claims on the market Pure & Green Organics has made extra efforts to ensure its authenticity. It has the ACO logo on the front of its packaging which means it contains a minimum of 95 percent organic ingredients. The remaining small percentage (maximum 5 percent) of non-organic ingredients is naturally produced or natural with non-toxic preservatives or additives.

As an extra safety guarantee Pure & Green Organics has also become the only beauty brand to have its products endorsed by Planet Ark. This means that all ingredients are completely safe and  the products don’t impact the environment. It confirms that only the highest quality ingredients are used while also offering maximum value for money.

Both the ACO bud logo and our new Planet Ark endorsement show that we have become pioneers in the beauty industry creating one of the world’s most sustainable, truly organic beauty brands.

Further reading/purchase Pure & Green Products

You can find Pure & Green’s wonderful products by visiting this page within the Fishica website and read more about the author of this article and Pure & Green Organics by visiting their website http://www.pureandgreenorganics.com.au/

Top 5 Toxins to Avoid

By Grace Culhaci, Director Pure & Green Organics

Some ingredients are more prolific in the beauty industry than others so to help you know what to avoid when reading product labels I have compiled a list of my top 5 toxins I recommend you avoid.  As it is always my endeavour to promote the benefit of organics I have decided to let you in on our secrets – what we use as alternatives to these ingredients as proof it is possible to create stable, functional and long lasting products without chemical toxic nasties.

TOXIN #1 – Triclosan

According to Professor Dingles book Dangerous Beauty: Triclosan is an antibacterial, anti-microbial agent. It is used mainly in toothpaste to prevent it from breaking down. This chemical is moderately toxic by ingestion. It is also a skin irritant.

In January 2010 Australia’s NICNAS released a 537 report stating that triclosan passes from mothers into their breast milk http://tiny.cc/jnnc0

Studies have shown that Triclosan is broken down into dioxins in river water to cause pollution and disrupt hormones in aquatic life. This has resulted in increased feminisation of fish populations (males with fish eggs, high proportion of females to males) http://www.ewg.org/water/downthedrain

Organic alternative:

Instead of relying on chemical bacteriacides, Pure & Green Organics toothpaste “Teeth & Gums” harnesses the anti-bacterial properties of  certified organic essential oils of clove, spearmint and mentholated peppermint to freshen your breath and minimise bacteria – naturally.

Mentha piperita (peppermint) essential oil was investigated for its antimicrobial properties against 21 human and plant pathogenic microorganisms in a study conducted in 2002 ( Medicinal and Aromatic Plant and Drug Research Centre (TBAM), Anadolu University, 26470-Eskişehir, Turkey.)    Results showed that the menthol in mentha piperita oil strongly inhibited plant pathogenic microorganisms and moderately inhibited human pathogens.  The mentha piperita oil used by Pure & Green Organics contains 40% menthol, hence its effectiveness.

Our teeth and gums toothpaste was independently tested in a laboratory to determine its ability to kill bacteria commonly found in the human oral cavity – it has passed the British Pharmacopeia oral test giving consumers peace of mind that a natural product can be truly effective in the battle against bacteria – triclosan is not necessary!

TOXIN #2 – Mineral Oil

Mineral oil is produced as a by-product of the distillation of gasoline from crude oil. It has absolutely no nutrient value for the skin.   Depending on its state, mineral oil has three official names (1) mineral oil – for liquid state, (2) petrolatum – for jelly state and (3) paraffin wax – for solid state.  However, manufacturers often opt for a common synonym – like liquid paraffin.

Mineral oil acts as an oil film on the skin that blocks the pores and the skin’s natural respiration.  It can trap dirt and bacteria and stop the absorption of vitamins, minerals and botanicals. It can also cause skin itching or rashes.

These non-biodegradable oils never go rancid (meaning they are oxidatively stable) which is why they have replaced natural oils in many cosmetic formulations as they greatly improved shelf life of cosmetic products.

Organic Alternative:

Consumers are demanding products with natural ingredients once again which is great to see but the initial problem remains, these “naturals” for the most part are not oxidatively stable. Thus, the consumer has created an apparent dilemma for the green formulator by demanding oxidative stability and increased usage of naturals, while simultaneously requiring the functionality of synthetics.

Pure & Green Organics use jojoba oil in all our creams and lotions as it’s natural oxidative stability, thermal stability and lack of support for microbial growth also increases our products safety and decreases their dependence on antioxidants and preservatives.

Unlike greasy materials like mineral oils, jojoba provides an absolutely non-tacky and non-greasy, dry emolliency.

Jojoba serves as an excellent moisturizing agent with exceptional spread leaving a rich velvety non-oily feel on the skin while reducing water loss and enhancing the flexibility and suppleness of the skin.  There is no need for greasy, synthetic mineral oil – jojoba is the perfect alternative.

TOXIN #3 – Formaldehyde-releasing preservatives

Formaldehyde-releasing preservatives (FRPs) are used instead of formaldehyde, and release small amounts of formaldehyde over time to help prevent bacteria from growing in water-based products like shampoos, liquid body washes and creams. The most common FRPs are: DMDM hydantoin, diazolidinyl urea, imidazolidinyl urea, methenamine, quaternium-15 and sodium hydroxymethylglycinate

FRPs can trigger allergies and are linked to skin sensitivity and eye irritation.  For more information visit  http://safecosmetics.org/article.php?id=599

The EU restricts the use of formaldehyde & FRPs in personal care products and requires a label to say “contains formaldehyde”.  Canada restricts the use of formaldehyde and it is banned from use in cosmetics in Japan and Sweden.

Australia’s National Industrial Chemical Scheme (NICNAS) released a report in January 2006 recommending that formaldehyde and FRPs be added to the scheduled poisons list and that considering the potential health risks it be treated as a carcinogen.  http://www.nicnas.gov.au/Publications/CAR/PEC/PEC28/PEC_28_Full_Report_PDF.pdf

Organic Alternative:

As organic formulators, Pure & Green Organics have overcome the need to use  formaldehyde-releasing preservatives by using only naturally derived preservatives on the organic standard approved list.  Worldwide we are seeing an influx of aromatic materials formulated for broad spectrum preservative action which comply with organic standards.  Apart from being non-toxic and non-irritating the main difference between naturally derived preservatives and FRPs is the cost – these safer preservatives often cost 350% more than formaldehyde releasing preservatives.

So while a solution/alternative is already available the main shift in ideology is the shelf life required by consumers of their cosmetic products.  If consumers are rebelling against traditional paraben and formaldehyde releasing mixtures they need to recognize that safer options will have a shorter shelf life, in the order of 18 months to two years, as opposed to 5 years that parabens and formaldehyde releasers can bring.  Shorter shelf life is a small price to pay for non-toxic and non-irritating natural alternatives.

TOXIN #4 – Polyethylene glycols (PEGs):

PEGs are petroleum-based compounds that are used in cream bases for cosmetics as thickeners, solvents, softeners and moisture-carriers.

Although PEGs are considered safe for use topically on healthy skin, products containing PEGs should not be used on broken or irritated skin. A study showed that patients suffering from severe burns and who were treated with PEG-based antimicrobial cream developed kidney toxicity. “The PEG content of the antimicrobial cream was determined to be the causative agent. However, no evidence of systemic toxicity occurred in studies with intact skin. Because of this finding, the US Cosmetic Ingredient Review (CIR) Expert Panel states that cosmetic formulations containing PEG ingredients “should not be used on damaged skin”.

http://www.cosmeticsinfo.org/ingredient_details.php?ingredient_id=392

Organic Alternative:

Fortunately for the organic formulator there are naturally derived thickening and gelling agents which can be used in place of PEGs.  Common ingredients are xanthan gum and guar gum but both of these cannot accept much additional material without thinning and separating.

Pure & Green Organics use sclerotium rolfsii gum to form a thick gel base for many of our products. Rolfsii gum is a natural gelling agent obtained by the fermentation of the yeast sclerotium rolfsii in a glucose-enriched medium.  Rolfsii gum holds a large amount of additional ingredients in suspension whilst remaining stable and also has the highest capacity to absorb water than any other vegetable gelling agent. Creams are a mix of oil and water and unfortunately these two ingredients don’t mix well at all, so an emulsifying ingredient is always necessary to help hold the two layers together.  By forming a gel base for a cream this ensures the product does not separate and has excellent long term stability and shelf life. Rolfsii gum is totally non-toxic, non-allergenic and also gives a beautiful “skin feel” to any preparation (unlike xanthan and guar gum).

TOXIN #5 – Dioxane

Dioxane is a petrochemical that results from using ethoxylation, a chemical process that renders harsh cleaning ingredients more mild. According to Professor Dingle in his book Dangerous Beauty 1,4 Dioxane is created during the production of sodium laureth sulphate. Therefore, it is commonly found in sulphate based shampoos and body washes aimed at those with delicate skin and wishing to use a “milder” product type.

Another source of dioxane contamination is through personal care products containing the aforementioned polyethylene glycol ingredients (PEGs) namely: PEG-6, PEG-8, PEG-32, PEG-75, PEG-150, PEG-14M and PEG-20M.

Dioxane is a confirmed carcinogen. Its effects in humans are cumulative and may result in eye, nose and throat irritation and kidney and liver disease.  According to the California Environmental Protection Agency, 1,4-dioxane is known to cause cancer and may cause kidney, respiratory, and neurological toxicity. The Environmental Working Group (a watchdog group with over 850,000 members) has also stated that 1,4-dioxane is a groundwater contaminant.

In April 2010 the Green Patriot Working Group in California targeted Procter & Gamble to reduce the level of Dioxane it uses in its Herbal Essences line of hair care products – it was exposing consumers to unacceptably high levels of a toxin http://tiny.cc/430er and you tube clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7qe4zfhDLY

Organic Alternative:

Pure & Green Organics products contain NO petrochemicals including dioxane.  Instead of petrochemicals and sulphate cleansers we use plant based saponins (soap) like soapnut (a small wrinkly, brown fruit from India that can clean everything and is planet friendly), amla (Indian gooseberry) and quillaja (Chilean soapbark).  All these plants can be turned into a powder or liquid extract and used as a substitute to soap as they foam with water. These natural and safe substitutes are what we use in our cleansing products to avoid any toxic ingredients.

Pure & Green Organics liquid cleanser (due for release in July) uses sustainably harvested (FSC certified) certified organic quillaja bark as the key cleansing ingredient.   The ultra filtrated Quillaja extract is food approved (E 999) and as a result of careful, solely physical processing the extract sustains its natural composition. Quillaja has surfactant, foaming and softening properties but it is it’s outstanding mildness that makes it most attractive and suitable for highly sensitive skin.  Mildness exists in nature without the need for ethoxylation and dioxane contamination!

You can find Pure & Green’s wonderful products by visiting this page within the Fishica website and read more about the author of this article and Pure & Green Organics by visiting their website http://www.pureandgreenorganics.com.au/

Article courtesy of Clean Conscience

You may have heard a lot in the media about palm oil – its use, source and its damaging effects.

So what exactly is palm oil and why should we pay more attention to its use?

Palm oil comes from the fruit of the oil palm tree and comes via a number of names including Elaeis guineensis (mainly cosmetics), sodium lauryl sulphate, cetyl alcohol, stearic acid, isopropyl and other palmitates, and other fatty alcohol sulphates. It can also be contained in some products labelled ‘plant derived’.

You may just be surprised what products contain palm oil ranging from ice cream, chocolate, fruit juice, soap, toothpaste, laundry powders, make-up, pet food and cleaning products to name a few. The alarming part is the widespread use and volume consumed.

Due to its variety of uses, global production of palm oil has doubled in the last decade. In 2006, palm oil was the most produced and traded vegetable oil accounting for 65% of all vegetable oils traded internationally with worldwide demand again expected to double by 2020.

This increased demand also saw (and continues to see) the expansion of plantations in Indonesia, Malaysia and other Asian countries – often at the expense of tropical forest and critical habitat for a large number of endangered species.

This large scale conversion has contributed to devastating effects on local species including tigers (Malaysia, Sumatra), Asian elephants (Malaysia, Sumatra, Borneo), Sumatran Rhino (Malaysia, Sumatra, Borneo), orang-utans (Sumatra, Borneo) and the sun bear (Malaysia, Borneo).

In fact, the largest plantation developments are in Malaysia and Indonesia with South East Asia deforesting the equivalent of 300 football fields EVERY HOUR for palm oil production.

As a result of this wide-spread expansion, palm oil production can be attributed to single-handedly causing the dramatic reduction of the orang-utan population in Borneo.

Poaching of orang-utans for illegal pet trade in cleared areas is also a regular occurrence. In addition, the burning of natural forests to pave the way for palm oil plantations has contributed to the slow and painful death of thousands of these beautiful creatures as they try unsuccessfully to escape.

On top of this, the effects of land degradation, soil erosion, air pollution and climate change from palm oil production and land clearing is even more reason to boycott its use. The practice of draining and converting peatland forests is especially damaging for the climate, as these ‘carbon sinks’ store more carbon per unit area than any other ecosystem in the world.

These are the types of damaging activities occurring at the hands of palm oil production and its destructive nature on habitats, endangered species and our planet.

So what can you do to help?

Start by making palm oil free choices in your everyday life.

You can begin by becoming educated and informed about the products you use and the ingredients products contain – question their source and their make-up.

You can make a difference.

Support businesses that support and produce palm oil free products and lets take real measures to becoming PALM OIL FREE.

For more information on palm oil issues and how you can help make a difference please visit:

www.orangutans.com.au

www.palmoilaction.org.au

www.zoo.org.au/palmoil

www.wwf.org.au

SOURCE:  Research, information and some content was sourced from the the WWF and Borneo Orangutan Survival (BOS) Australia.

Fishica promotes, uses and loves the Clean Conscience cleaning range. Please visit this page for further information and/or to purchase products.

Autumn leaves

Pretty autumn leaves…

Autumn leaves make tiny aeroplanes

Autumn leaves make tiny aeroplanes

When the days grow cold

Autumn days are gold…

I remember singing this song (or something similar…I may have the words a bit wrong!) when I was about 5 and have recalled it and sung it with my daughter and her friend these past weeks. I do love Autumn, the changing colours of the many deciduous trees on our property and around the area, the cool, crisp mornings, lighting the fire, cooking hearty, warming meals and snuggling up with a good brew and a book each night.

We have been fortunate to have experienced day after day of sunshine and even when showers have come our way its been fun pulling on the Wellington boots and stomping around in puddles, letting our senses enjoy the greater outdoors and then tumbling inside afterwards for a long, warm soak in a deep bath. Blissful!

Autumn is a time of change; anything is possible despite the shorter days, the colder nights…a time when family is everything…a time for storytelling around the fire, bonfire nights, brisk walks and blowing ‘smoke rings’ in the early morning mist.

I have enjoyed seasonal Autumn craft activities with Tienne and her friend Annabel…collecting colourful leaves & creating an Autumn Treasure box to keep them in… making an Autumn fairy crown to wear while dancing in the garden to our own made up songs! Tienne and I have also enjoyed learning the names of the Autumn trees that live on our property, planted by a previous owner and now enjoyed greatly by us…Silver Birch, Golden Robinia, Claret Ash, Liquidambar, Chinese Fallow…names that sound almost magical, you can really imagine fairy folk living in them, catching a floaty ride on a colourful falling leaf and then playing a noisy game of hide and seek among the blanket of leaves on the ground.

I found the following while searching for some Autumn poems…and loved it for it’s beat, the use of numbers and leaf types and most of all sense of fun. Enjoy!

Autumn Leaves
by Leland B. Jacobs

1      Green leaves,
2      Yellow leaves,
3      Red leaves, and brown,
ALL   Falling,
ALL   Falling,
ALL   Blanketing the town.
4      Oak leaves,
5      Maple leaves,
6      Apple leaves, and pear,
ALL   Falling,
ALL   Whispering,
ALL   “Autumn’s in the air!”
7      Big leaves,
8      Little leaves,
9      Pointed leaves, and round,
ALL   Falling,
ALL   Nestling,
ALL   Carpeting the ground.

from: Jacobs, Leland B. 1993. Just Around the Corner: Poems about the Seasons. New York: Henry Holt.

Craft tutorial provided courtesy of Meghan Hicks,  At Home With Montessori

What you will need:

• three 19mm dowels that are 1.2m long
• three end caps (the kind you put on the bottom of chair legs)
• three rubber chair protectors (also to go on the bottom of chair legs, but these are to stop them from slipping)
• 2m of thin rope
• 6 rubber o-rings
• approx 2.5m of fabric
• enough batting to cut a circle 1m in diameter
• a sewing machine
• one cute baby

1. Cut out two circles of fabric 1m in diameter
2. Cut out one circle of batting 1m in diameter
3. Pin one of the fabric circles to the batting, with the right side facing away from the batting

4. Stitch across the two layers in random lines and curves, loosely quilting the fabric – this will be the top of the mat
5. Now cut 6 rectangular strips 25cm long and 4cm wide

6. Fold 1cm of one short end of each strip in and stitch to hem the rough edge
7. Fold each strip in half lengthwise and stitch 5mm from the edge all the way down the length
8. Turn the strip inside out and press so that the seam lies flat – these are the ties to tie the tripod to the mat
9. Lay the quilted fabric face-up and mark three equidistant points on its circumference – they will be approximately 90cms apart, no need to get too technical

10. Pin two ties at each point, with the hemmed ends pointing inwards
11. Lay the other fabric circle face down on top of the whole lot and pin
12. Stitch around the circumference of the circle, making sure you stitch through all the layers. Leave a small opening to turn the whole thing the right way

13. Turn and then stitch the opening closed, or top stitch the whole way round, closing the opening as you go
14. Press so that it all lays nice and flat

by Meghan Hicks,  At Home With Montessori

As a mother to two boys, and a Montessori educator, I am often asked by parents whether the Montessori approach is compatible with other child rearing philosophies. The most common query is about Attachment Parenting. I must admit that when I was first asked this question almost 10 years ago, I didn’t really know what Attachment Parenting was! After a bit of research, it became clear to me that Attachment Parenting was very compatible with my idea of parenting (my children had not yet been born, but my own parents parented me in this way with great results!). However as I progressed further into my training as a Montessori teacher at the infant toddler level, I realised that not every Montessori theorist would promote the principles of Attachment Parenting for use in the Montessori Home. However, the foundations of Attachment Parenting seemed, to me, to be very much in line with Dr Montessori’s vision for a peaceful childhood.

The first principle: Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
Become emotionally and physically prepared for pregnancy and birth. Research available options for healthcare providers and birthing environments, and become informed about routine newborn care. Continuously educate yourself about developmental stages of childhood, setting realistic expectations and remaining flexible.

The Montessori approach to parenting is also focused on preparing for the arrival of a new child in a thoughtful and careful manner. Assistants to Infancy work with families to prepare a welcoming home environment for their newborn; they help mother to prepare for a childbirth that is as close to the ideal as possible (a natural, drug-free, non-intrusive and peaceful labour and birth); they offer support during the symbiotic period (the first six weeks after birth) to help establish rhythms and routines for living; they work to protect the important emotional bonding that takes place between parents and infant in the hours, days and weeks after birth.

The second principle: Feeding with Love and Respect
Breastfeeding is the optimal way to satisfy an infant’s nutritional and emotional needs. “Bottle Nursing” adapts breastfeeding behaviours to bottle-feeding to help initiate a secure attachment. Follow the feeding cues for both infants and children, encouraging them to eat when they are hungry and stop when they are full. Offer healthy food choices and model healthy eating behaviours.

Montessori too, recognises that breastfeeding on demand, particularly during the symbiotic period, is an important part of helping the infant to develop a fundamental trust in the world. The sensitive period for weaning begins between 5 and 6 months of age. As always, the sensitive period is marked by several signs of readiness which may be different for each child. Montessori practitioners recognise the need to be attuned to each child’s individual needs when weaning, and the physiological and psychological importance of the weaning process. Weaning marks the beginning of a process of separation from the mother, as the child becomes aware of his independence and of his self as a separate entity. When the infant is able to sit up, shows an interest in eating the food of the family, and has begun teething, he is ready to begin the process of weaning. If care is taken to introduce solid food in a positive manner and to encourage the child’s independence, she will take the natural step of decreasing and eventually stopping milk feeds without the need for this process to be arbitrarily determined by the adult. The need for the mother will naturally be replaced with the child’s desire for independence, if care is taken to support and nurture the child first steps towards autonomy. Anne McNamara, in an article written for the NAMTA journal puts it plainly…”Montessorians need to guard against being influenced by our society’s preoccupation with freeing the mother from the baby instead of allowing the baby to free himself from the mother. Mothers need to be supported in letting their babies determine when and how long they need to nurse.

The third principle: Respond with Sensitivity
Build the foundation of trust and empathy beginning in infancy. Tune in to what your child is communicating to you, then respond consistently and appropriately. Babies cannot be expected to self-soothe, they need calm, loving, empathetic parents to help them learn to regulate their emotions. Respond sensitively to a child who is hurting or expressing strong emotion, and share in their joy.

The importance of this sensitive parenting is highlighted in Montessori’s emphasis on the earliest weeks of life. Assistants to Infancy help parents to become astute observers of their babies and in turn, to be able to respond to their babies’ communications of need in appropriate ways. Sensitive parenting in a Montessori Home requires that the parent learn to negotiate the fine line between offering assistance and becoming the child’s servant. Parents learn to watch their child first, before hastily stepping in, so that they can determine exactly what kind of help to offer the child so that his needs can be met, without undermining his belief in himself as a competent, and capable person in his own right. Dr Montessori spoke of the adult as acting as a ”necessary support for the child who, having lost control of himself momentarily, needs a strong support to which he can cling.” Rebeca Wild, author of Raising Curious, Creative, Confident Kids, affirms the need for empathy saying “To the same extent that they themselves feel loved and respected, they gain the ability to pass on this respect and this love to others, and to feel and fulfil the needs of others.”

The fourth principle: Use Nurturing Touch
Touch meets a baby’s needs for physical contact, affection, security, stimulation, and movement. Skin-to-skin contact is especially effective, such as during breastfeeding, bathing, or massage. Carrying or babywearing also meets this need while on the go. Hugs, snuggling, back rubs, massage, and physical play help meet this need in older children.

Dr Silvana Montanaro writes about the importance of touch in her book, Understanding the Human Being. She says of the symbiotic period (the first 6 to 8 weeks after birth) “the body contact in holding tells the child about the mother’s acceptance and attitude, and can provide great reassurance which will facilitate the passage to the new environment.” “A child can understand, through repeated, direct experiences with a loving parent, that the external world responds promptly to his needs for contact, stimulation and food. There is always an answer to his call and he can trust the environment, as represented by the mother.”
And of the importance of holding the child, “proper holding must convey to the child our joy for this intimacy, in addition to our love, respect and admiration for its being.” She cautions against making the decision to restrict a child’s movements though, stressing that children who have freedom of movement develop a basic faith in oneself, have self-confidence, a sense of independence and autonomy, as well as persistence and high self-esteem. So it follows that Montessori parents must recognise that the child’s need for touch must be balanced with their need for freedom of movement. This requires sensitive parenting and a desire to follow the child, not placing the needs of the adult above those of the developing baby. Carrying a baby and giving her time in her own space should never outweigh one another, but should be balanced and offered in accordance with her needs which she will communicate readily. The key lies in understanding and responding appropriately to her communications.

The fifth principle: Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Babies and children have needs at night just as they do during the day; from hunger, loneliness, and fear, to feeling too hot or too cold. They rely on parents to soothe them and help them regulate their intense emotions. Sleep training techniques can have detrimental physiological and psychological effects. Safe co-sleeping has benefits to both babies and parents.

Maria Montessori was clear about the need to provide the infant with “a low couch resting practically upon the floor, where he can lie down and get up as he wishes”. Her thoughts on co-sleeping were not explicitly articulated.
Mary Matthews, a Montessori Assistant to Infancy, writes in an article for the NAMTA journal that, “a mattress on the floor permits the baby to move freely on the bed and between the bed and the floor. Should the child need to, she can call her parents or seek them. The child who has enjoyed symbiosis is confident that her parents will respond if she needs them.” Mary goes on to say though, “The child who sleeps in the family bed needs the presence of a parent to sleep comfortably. This created dependence cannot assist her.”
My opinion is that if the child is given the freedom of movement provided by a floor bed, and then chooses to leave that bed to sleep in a shared bed, that this is in fact reinforcing the autonomy and freedom of choice that we wish to cultivate in him through the provision of the floor bed. Anne McNamara (who writes in an article of response) shows us that our focus should not be on whether the child sleeps in his floor bed, or in a family bed, but rather that it should be on respect for the child’s freedom of choice. She points out that shared sleep might be considered by some to be “created dependence. But conversely, the separate child’s bed is created independence.”

The sixth principle: Provide Consistent and Loving Care
Babies and young children have an intense need for the physical presence of a consistent, loving, responsive caregiver: ideally a parent. If it becomes necessary, choose an alternate caregiver who has formed a bond with the child and who cares for him in a way that strengthens the attachment relationship. Keep schedules flexible, and minimize stress and fear during short separations.

The Montessori approach is about developing the “whole” child. Montessori parents need to create environments that nurture every aspect of their child’s development. It is often easier to focus on intellectual development, since this involves things we can see and touch – learning objects. But creating safe spaces in which your child’s emotional needs are met, is vital to the development of healthy future relationships. Dr Jill Stamm, in Bright from the Start, says that “your baby depends biologically on your responsiveness. Though he was born with the capabilities for joy, sadness, fear and many other feelings, he needs help regulating these emotional states so that they don’t overwhelm his system.”

We should also take care in recognizing that the process of separation is precisely that, a process. It does not happen instantaneously on the first day that the child spends away from his parents. Separation viewed through Montessori philosophy takes place on a number of levels, beginning with birth, in which the child separates from the protected environment of the womb, and attaches to the world of life; weaning, in which he separates from the breast as a source of food and attaches to the food of the family and self-feeding; movement, in which the child slithers, rolls, crawls, cruises and walks in incremental steps away from the mother, and attaches to the immediate environment of the home; and the period of self-affirmation in which the child declares himself autonomous and capable of independent living.

The seventh principle: Practice Positive Discipline
Judi Orion, a Montessori Assistant to Infancy Trainer says, “What we have to be careful about here is not to confuse this need for independence, and our desire for them to be independent, with their simultaneous need to be nurtured. Just because they can do things doesn’t mean they don’t need nurturing. Sometimes we push independence at the expense of nurturing. I think we always need to keep that in balance.”

Positive discipline helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Discipline that is empathetic, loving, and respectful strengthens the connection between parent and child. Rather than reacting to behaviour, discover the needs leading to the behaviour. Communicate and craft solutions together while keeping everyone’s dignity intact.

Dr Montessori spoke very eloquently on the topic of discipline. Her idea of discipline was not that of an external condition imposed on the child from outside, but that it is a natural state which grows and develops from within the child, just like any other conquest of development in childhood. According to Montessori theory there are three stages in the development of self-discipline. Stage one is when the child is only able to obey the internal impulses that drive him, even they put him at odds with those around him. (think of a baby who continues to reach out and touch something even when he has been told not to a number of times. The baby is not being deliberate in his ‘disobedience’, he is simply doing what he instincts are driving him to do – explore his environment – even if those drives don’t match up with the requests of his parents). Stage two is when the child is able to suppress his inner drive in order to comply with an external request – that is, he is mostly able to do what is asked of him since his desire to be part of the social group overrides his instinctual drives.

The third stage is when the child obeys joyfully. He has transcended the state of development where he obeys because of an external request – he does the right thing because it is right, not because someone has told him to do it. This stage of discipline is only reached under a specific set of circumstances – where the child is given the freedom to develop his will. Too often parents believe that in order to raise an obedient child, they must ‘break’ his will. But Montessori believed that in order to reach the third stage of self-discipline, the child’s ability to choose must be fostered – and this can only happen in a loving and supportive environment, where children are given freedom to act within clearly defined boundaries.

“Discipline and freedom are so co-related that, if there is some lack of discipline, the cause is to be found in some lack of freedom. To obtain discipline, it is quite useless to count on reprimands or spoken exhortations. Such means might perhaps at the beginning have an appearance of efficacy, but after a while cease to have any effect.” – Maria Montessori

Essentially, misbehavior is the expression of the lack of freedom to meet one’s needs. Authoritarian behaviour on the part of the parents is not likely to create a situation in which a child’s natural state of true self-discipline can be established. Children need loving guidance and a nurturing environment in which to develop their will – which will allow them to be in control of themselves.

The eighth principle: Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life
It is easier to be emotionally responsive when you feel in balance. Create a support network, set realistic goals, put people before things, and don’t be afraid to say “no”. Recognize individual needs within the family and meet them to the greatest extent possible without compromising your physical and emotional health. Be creative, have fun with parenting, and take time to care for yourself.

I guess this one speaks for itself. Montessori theory has three essential components as it were: the child, the prepared environment and the prepared adult. She says that “The starting preparation demanded of a Montessori adult is that he or she should examine himself, and become humble, and to ask in what manner does he consider the child?” – The Secret of Childhood.
Dr. Montessori says that the child ‘must be protected by an external environment animated by the warmth of love, and the richness of value, where he is wholly accepted’ – The Child in the Family.
P. Donohue Shortridge says, “If it is the child’s job to construct the adult he is to uniquely become, then it is incumbent upon the adult to facilitate that growth rather than to impose her own will on him. The Montessori adult willingly relinquishes her own agenda for the child and instead learns from him what he needs next from the adult and from the environment and faithfully provides it. Fundamentally, the adult removes external obstacles to the child’s learning which are ironically often precipitated by the adults themselves.”
And in Maria Montessori’s words once again, “The truly great authority and dignity of parents rests solely upon the help they are able to give their children in building themselves. The child can only build well if this help is given in a suitable way.” – The Absorbent Mind

It stands to reason that parents can only offer suitable help to their children, and can only relinquish their own agenda, whilst maintaining a loving and wholly accepting environment when they themselves are nurtured, respected and part of a support network. I would encourage Montessori parents to spend time within their Montessori circles, building relationships with like-minded families so that they might have assistance in the important task of parenting. It takes courage to allow your child’s voice to be heard and to answer its call in a manner that can only feel right for you. A strong attachment between parent and child is very necessary and undoubtedly this is the aim of proponents of Attachment Parenting, but the potential that the Montessori philosophy has for nurturing those connections for life is untold.

Further Reading:

The author of this piece has also written a blog post, The Crises of Development. Please visit this page.

Of late it seems to me that a vital and extremely difficult part of parenting involves letting go to a lesser or greater extent…

My eldest daughter’s teacher gave her a note to give to me last week and without looking at it I knew what it was about…a request to meet up and talk about her starting full time school. Tienne has been ready for longer school days for a short time now…I feel I know her well and we speak openly and honestly with one another. But this knowledge didn’t prevent my heart sinking after flip flopping all over the place in a wild panic…full time school (!)…no more precious week day afternoon adventures together! Despite my daughter’s obvious excitement at the prospect of having art lessons, going to the library, joining in sports lessons with the bigger children and learning Japanese…all very important ‘big girl jobs’…Of ‘being a full timer’ – said with such pride…I just don’t feel ready…

But in all honesty, would I ever be really ready…Tienne is ready and that’s what is important and so I will let go a little bit more and encourage her to keep moving forward, let myself feel proud of her ongoing achievements without feeling too much sadness for the passing of time or get so caught up in missing my beautiful little girl that I miss out on enjoying this slightly bigger but equally as beautiful girl!

It’s about quality not quantity…and I’ll just have to ensure that the time I do still have with her counts, regardless of the hours we are not in each others company.

This of course is not the first time I have/will need to let go and I know it certainly won’t be the last. Swimming independently with a teacher after swimming holding her or within touching distance for so long…going into a ballet class unattended by me… staying at a friend’s house to play for the first and successive times…going to school for those first few hours in the morning…Growing independence does not equate to any less love or care, I know that…and it all boils down to balance and what works for you as a family unit, however big or small that family unit might be.

I am learning to let go, difficult as I might find it…and there definitely seems to be an art to this…it certainly does not come completely naturally to me and at times I have an internal (hopefully not externally obvious!) battle with myself to overcome my natural tendencies for what I believe is my daughters greater benefit.

While my instinct at times definitely errs towards overprotecting my daughter I do know that the effect is at times upturned.  Aside from making her feel loved and cared for, I know there is the possibility she will become risk-averse and too fragile. It would be hard for her to attain happiness if she became continually anxious about her skills, abilities, and decisions. At present she seems to be blossoming with a new found confidence and at ease with her place in her world…how can I squash this?!

I can’t forever shield her from the world as much as I might will it to be so… stay with her twenty-four hours a day to ensure her safety and contentment.

I know she is already learning to stand on her own two feet, is fiercely proud of her growing and evolving independence and abilities to act responsibly and take on many of life’s challenges. All this and only 4 years of age…with a lifetime stretched ahead of her of ongoing achievements & milestones to make and break.

And I plan on being there with her every step of the way. Cheering her on….often standing next to her, holding her hand… sometimes on the side lines and sometimes from a much greater distance…

My wish is that she shall always feel safe in the knowledge of how much she is loved and the confidence in me that I will always return to her side.

I know that I am just at the beginning of my parenting journey and I will continue to be faced with the dilemma of how and when to let go as Tienne continues to grow. I hope that with ongoing honesty & love and by truly listening to her I may find the ability to judge what will work best for both of us.

As part of research for our current permaculture workshops at Tingrith, I borrowed a copy of The Secret Life of Plants which I hadn’t read for ten years. Peter Tompkins and Christopher Bird open it by saying “The true matrix of human life is the green sward covering mother earth.  Without green plants we would neither breathe nor eat. On the undersurface of every leaf a million movable lips are engaged in devouring carbon dioxide and expelling oxygen. All together, twenty-five million square miles of leaf surface are daily engaged in this miracle of photosynthesis, producing oxygen and food for man and beast… All the food, drink, intoxicants, drugs and medicines that keep man alive and if properly used, radiantly healthy are ours through the sweetness of photosynthesis. Sugar produces all our starches, fats, oils, waxes, cellulose. From crib to coffin, man relies on cellulose as the basis for his shelter, clothing, fuel, fibres, basketry cordage, musical instruments and the paper on which he scribbles his philosophy.”  They credit plants with an incredible ingenuity that far exceeds that of human engineers, especially in devising forms of construction, giving as example the Australian eucalyptus which can raise its head on a slim trunk above the ground 480 feet, or as high as the Great Pyramid of Cheops.

But surely the Plants grow automatically, as the part of a natural process, you say? These authors credit plants with an intelligence that can sense a world invisible to humans, and claims that they communicate through an endless process, fields of positive energy or love. While they endow the many scientists who defy the dominant wisdom to demonstrate these mysteries  (The Kirlians, Galvani, Burbank, Rudolf Hauschka among others) with a sort of heroism, it is clear that they regard the real heroes as the plants themselves. They tell of AlickMcInnes who claimed that every individual member of the human or plant kingdom modifies or qualifies with his own wavelength the fundamental energy radiating through him. Plants persist in raising the vitality of a person, animal or soil through what McInnes calls the Exultation of Flowers. McInnes believed that all forms of life were created to live in harmony, but mankind has so used his domination over created things that there is now disharmony everywhere, which is expressed in physical disease in human, animal and plant life. If we deliberately cause suffering and disease in other lives, we increase our own suffering and disease. All creation is affected by disease inflicted on laboratory animals in what he believes to be a futile and foredoomed attempt to combat illness.  So he would view the current domination of the megalithic food industries which mass breed chickens for the fast food industry, or Monsanto which is seen by many to be heroic in its “prevention” of the damage done by weeds and pests with the shield of genetic modification to food crops as inherently damaging to the health and well being of the universe.

On the news this week there has been much discussion of a culture of male domination, where males in the military college seem to presume they show their strength bybullying  othersand publicly shaming women. A male engaged in consensual sex with a young woman had arranged to have the act videoed and transmitted to watching friends without her knowledge, and the friends distributed the video on a social network. A great deal of discussion about how far this male culture was distributed up through hierarchies of power, and it was noted that it was also apparent in football clubs. The army and football clubs? Situations which perpetuate the traditional myth of heroes in conquering the odds with great effort, conquering the “enemy”, ignoring their own pain. Has the mythos of heroes somehow been distorted?

Coincidentally at the same time I was rereading a favorite old book of mine Joseph Campbell’s The Hero with a Thousand Faces in which he outlines the archetypal plot which underpinned all these myths of heroes.The story always began with an Everyman just living his hum-drum life. Suddenly and unexpectedly, either by chance or by choice, Everyman is either pulled out of his ordinary life or chooses to leave his ordinary life to launch into a great adventure, whose ending he cannot know at the beginning.

The adventure, according to Campbell, then goes through several specified stages. The hero will journey into a dark world where he meets various forces or entities with which he has to deal. Along the way he encounters a teacher who gives him the instruction in new skills he will need to learn to successfully achieve his goal. No later than this part of the journey the hero becomes consciously aware of what that very specific goal is.Striving for his goal, the hero is challenged to his limit, reaching a peak culminating experience, that Campbell calls a “supreme ordeal.” The result is that the hero “gains his reward” and is forever changed by the experience. He often gains some new powers and sets off with them. Eventually the hero re-emerges to his society with these new abilities bringing a boon to his society which somehow restores that society.  The image is of Perseus slaying the kneeling Medusa, whose gaze would turn him to stone, while Athene looks on.

It had never occurred to me that the heroes in Campbell’s story are almost always male, and that in these military or sports establishments, there is a presumption of male hegemony, of the need to slay the Medusa, to humiliate and disempower the sensitive, the aesthetic, the female aspects. Elizabeth Badinter has a fascinating discourse (in a book called simply XY) suggesting that because males are in utero female and that the androgens on their Y chromosome doesn’t kick in until the 6^th week of life, that they are in fear of reverting to being female, and therefore have to conquer the feminine in them. In the army incident, the young cadet has been taught by his mentors, even if subliminally, that it is heroic to conquer that which you fear, and the supreme ordeal may well be that of sexually “conquering” a woman whose mysteries are inaccessible to men.

Though my kikuyu seems determined to overcome and conquer my vegetable garden, plants don’t seem to hold this “fear” or this need to dominate. And as I said in the last essay the solution doesn’t lie in my trying to conquer kikuyu with Fusillade. It lies in giving the kikuyu to the chickens as food. The ancient wisdom revealed by the plants, especially those at Findhorn, allows us to enter a bountiful supersensible world where everything is in harmonious relation with everything else.

George Washington Carver, touching a little flower on his workbench,said“When I touch that flower I am touching infinity. It existed long before there were human beings on this earth and will continue to exist for millions of years to come. Through the flower, I talk to the Infinite which is only a silent force. This is not a physical contact. It is not in the earthquake, wind or fire. It is in the invisible world.” The boon the hero gives to his world needs not be a material one like wealth or goods, and we need not be imprisoned by a notion of hero which depends on power demonstrated bycontrol over the earth.

Wehave to rewrite the myth of hero to include theguardians of living energy, the Infinite, the invisible world of relationships.  I think this new form of hero is not only feminine, of keeping things in harmonious relation. It is the return to balance that seems more important than control, and that can be done by men, women and plants.

I think in particular of the current battle down here against the politicians who want to use existing law and economics to enforce a coal mine in Margaret River. Our Minister for Mines sees himself as a hero in the Campbellian sense, fighting to preserve the greatest economic gain for the State against all the irritating obstacles of NIMBY activists who would not let him hide in the letter of the law. But the real hero is the quiet unassuming Brent Watson who sat at his computer for days, finding out what was happening in other coalmining sites around the world, sending out information about the harmful consequences for water, for biodiversity, for flora and fauna, for the emotional health of communities, even for the longtermeconomic health of the community, refusing to indulge in open confrontation with the miners but quietly communicating to everyone the consequences of their predations on the networks of this community of Margaret River. He sees himself as simply a conduit rather than a hero, but it is that silent transmission of information to a very broad circle of people, this awareness that McInnes and plants sharedthat positive intentions transmit healthy energy, negative ones cause exponential damage. The modern hero is a suprasensible seer who offers the secrets known to plants, about the totality of life and the need for a cooperative community over domination and control.

Further Reading:

Other articles by Felicity -

The Magick of Owls

Belonging to the Land

Also:

www.tingrithmeetinghouse.com